Random Shots: Just Say No to Dubya

Against the Current, No. 103, March/April 2003

R.F. Kampfer

DUBYA’S WALTZ TOWARD war reminds me of a TV Western I saw about fifty years ago. This cowboy is eyeballing the young schoolmarm at the barn-dance. His friend asks: “Are you looking for a reason to go over and talk to her?” The cowboy answers: “I’ve already got a reason, what I need is an excuse.”

The Christmas Pageant standard “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has purged the line, “Maybe just a cigarette more.” PC run amok.

Further holiday follies: At Hanukah, one couldn’t help wondering if the Macabees got any covert support from the Ptolomies in their war against the Seleucids.

Thoughts on the military budget: I’ll bet that Dubya never finished assembling a model airplane when he was a kid, but always wanted a new one.

A suitable new position for Trent Lott would be White House lawn-jockey.

The closing sequence of “The Gangs of New York” is a series of shots of the changing Manhattan sky-line since 1863. The final shot shows us the twin towers of the World Trade Center. It would have been more effective to take it one step further, to show that the legacy of Five Points is still with us.

Words of Wisdom

“We must wrestle with Time for seven decades, and he is a feeble opponent the first three or four.” –Lord Dunsany

A 1930s Communist Party pamphlet, “Give a Party for the Party,” suggests that CP hosts put some extra head on the beer, to make the keg last longer. Is any further proof of Stalinist duplicity required?

Who would have thought that Viet Nam would ever be recommended as one of the safest countries for American tourists to visit?

The government’s “Say No to Drugs” campaign does not apply to the Air Force, whose pilots are provided with the same uppers and downers considered dangerous for truck drivers. That’s how they dropped “friendly fire” bombs on the Canadians at Kandahar, Afghanistan. Makes you feel real secure to have speed-freaks with cluster bombs overhead.

Closing Commentaries

HOW COME THEY don’t make curb-feelers any more, when so many parkers obviously need them?

The problem with retirement is that there’s nothing to look forward to.

How many kids joined the Army because it was the only chance they’d get to drive a Hummer?

Washington is blaming the loss of the Columbia on the Left Wing. So typical!

A member of the Detroit City Council has accused the mayor of trying to electrocute her by hot-wiring the massager on her office recliner. You have to love this town.