Random Shots: That Old Time Religion

R.F. Kampfer

WHAT THEY USED TO teach the kids: The following are excerpts from Catholic high school texts of the 1950s.

• Mohammedanism (sic) made many converts in Africa, since it offered no barriers to polygamy or the other vices of the poor Blacks.

• Lenin died of syphilis in 1924.

• As the Reds advanced upon the Alcazar, the prayers of the defenders grew more fervent, and the fire of their machine-guns more accurate.

• “Before we begin the study of our subject,” said the secular university professor, “let us dispose of the question of God. He does not exist.”

Fun In the Sun Dep’t.

ONE ENJOYABLE summer recreation is to go downtown on a hot day and hang around the financial district wearing shorts and a tank top. You get these looks of incredible hatred from yuppies who have to wear suits and ties.

Let’s hope George Lucas doesn’t think we’ve forgotten that he promised us six more Star Wars movies.

How did the producers of “Dick Tracy” overlook the chance to cast Ronald Reagan as Pruneface?

Auto Worker’s Musings

ONE REASON that everything works so badly is that the leadership of government and industry is organized not to solve problems, but to avoid taking the blame for them.

The UAW’s omnibus bargaining resolution suffers from the Mary Hartman syndrome: Every problem, from waxy yellows buildup on the kitchen floor to being kidnapped by terrorists, has the same priority.

Announcements

PROVING THERE IS a vehicle for every point of view, Shotsie Gorman of New Jersey is publishing Tattoo Advocate, a feminist, pro-ecology, pro-animal rights tattoo magazine.

The way to keep a neat kitchen is to own only one plate, cup, fork, etc. for each member of the family.

It’s a waste of time to separate clothes before washing. If the colors don’t match at first, they will soon enough.

Republican Party Whip “Newt” Gingrich got his nickname from his slimy skin and habit of hiding under damp rocks.

September-October 1990, ATC 28