Random Shots: Campaign and Other Leftovers

R.F. Kampfer

WE DON’T EXPECT to gain anything by Clinton winning, but we enjoyed watching Bush lose. If most politicians deserve to be taken out and shot, Bush and Quayle fall into the category that should be tortured first.

That’s President Bozo to you, George.

Mario Cuomo says we need to get back to the time when his immigrant father would “kiss the hands and feet” of anybody who would give him a job digging ditches. Spoken like one who expects to be the kissee this time.

Celebrity Newsshorts/Royal Pains

MADONNA NOW SAYS she didn’t really want to pose for those pictures, but her hands were tied.

Not only did George Bush degrade his office by appearing on the Rush Limbaugh’s show, but he passively allowed himself to be put on hold during the commercials.

Geriatric Grievances

WHEN KAMPFER WAS a student, back when “skinless and boneless” meant sardines instead of chicken breasts, nobody imagined Cliff Notes. We had to use Classic Comics instead.

In view of Charles and Andrew’s problems, Queen Elizabeth II is reportedly checking out statute books to see if any of the laws dating back to Henry VIII might still be in force.

And newspaper comic strips used to be spread out through the whole paper, rather than being concentrated on two pages. We were therefore exposed to the news while searching for “Maggie and Jiggs,” which is why we were so much smarter than kids today.

Do you realize that most thirty-something people have never seen a horse-drawn fruit wagon in the middle of the city? And remember when we used to tell our grandparents that they were lucky because they could predict the weather by way of their aching bones?

Patrons of the Detroit club scene are <->almost unanimous in wearing black leather jackets, much like an RCP convention. Losing your coat check could lead to major problems.

Sex education can be expected to decrease teen sexual activity, because the school system will somehow manage to make even sex sound boring.

Nina has never been willing to take a nap during the day. It’s pleasant to think the time will come when she would be glad to pay for the privilege.

For a music lover, listening to a child master an instrument, or at least beat it into submission, is the equivalent of a gourmet watching a live pig being made into boudin noir.

History You Should Know

ONE SIDE EFFECT of Columbus’ exploitation of America was dumping so much gold into Spain that the resulting inflation destroyed the productive sector of the economy. Some historians think that Spain never really recovered from that disaster.

Most of those stirring Civil War ballads we hear on PBS were actually written on New York’s Tin Pan Alley.

Political Footnotes

LOTS OF PEOPLE are criticizing Germany’s new restrictions on refugees, but nobody is volunteering to take them in.

To be logically consistent, the Free Trade Agreement should allow labor to cross national borders as freely as capital.

Those Old Joe cigarette posters inevitably recall the classic “Look at the shmuck on that camel” joke.

January-February 1993, ATC 42