Random Shots: Kampfer Goes Hollyweird

R.F. Kampfer

MINA, IN THE latest version of “Dracula,” is more assertive than she is usually portrayed, but still shows a regrettable tendency to fall for men who take advantage of her. As for the Count, after waiting 400 years to find Mina, why did he go after Lucy first? At least the current Dracula is considerate enough, however, to bring home a takeout for the wives back at the castle.

The line that really belongs in “Alive” is: “That takes care of the food supply, but what are we going to smoke?”

Wasn’t it annoying back in the ’50s when an actress would step out of a bubble bath and slip into a robe without rinsing the soap off?

Since everything in “The Crying Game” is so full of symbolic meaning, why does the character of Jude disguise herself as the cult-figure Betty Page? Is Neil Jordan telling us that her politics have put her in bondage?
In one panel of the Trashman underground comic strip, drawn in 1969, we see a tiny sign saying Twin Peaks Service Station. It’s all connected.

A TV commercial for a sadistic exercise product tells us that “Now you can get the benefit of climbing stairs in the convenience of your own home.”

It was a nice subtle touch to have the lesbian couple on “Roseanne” discuss having a baby together while Dan was using the turkey-baster.

Presidential Policies

IF KAMPFER EVER becomes president, Executive Order #1 will be for Simon and Garfunkel to get back together.

In the bombing of Iraq it seems that there’s never time to “do the job right,” but there’s always time to dolt over.

Those who have reservations about gays in the military would do well to remember the Sacred Band of Thebes. This unit, in which men enlisted as couples, was the first one ever to whip the Spartans. They remained undefeated until they were wiped out by Alexander, who happened to be bisexuaL

Eat. Smoke, Die Happy

IN ANY ECO-system, the dominant carnivores tend to gorge themselves until they lapse into a digestive coma, secure in the knowledge that none of the other creatures will dare to bother them. Herbivores on the other hand have to eat lightly and remain active in order to evade the predators. By overeating we are just affirming our position at the top of the food chain.

It used to be said of San Franciscans that they were tolerant of everything about the word “Frisco.” Lately, however, there has been an unfortunate growth of bigotry against tobacco smokers.

When mice have a near-death experience, do they see a great white cheese?

Words of Wisdom

“IT USED TO be a good hotel, but that proves nothing. I used to be a good boy.” —Mark Twain

“The socialist transformation supposes along and stubborn struggle, in the course of which, it is quite probable, the working class will be repulsed more than once, so that the first time, from the viewpoint of the final outcome of the struggle, it will necessarily come to power ‘too early’….Since the proletariat is not in the position to seize political power in any other way than ‘prematurely,’ since it is absolutely obliged to seize power one or several times ‘too early’ before it can maintain itself in power for good, the objection to a ‘premature’ conquest of power is at bottom nothing more than a general opposition to the aspiration of the proletariat to possess itself of state power.” —Rosa Luxemburg

Welcome, Ann Henrietta Finkel. It’s never too soon to start paying dues.

March-April 1993, ATC 43