Random Shots: Ollie North, Amerika’s Hero?

R.F. Kampfer

REAGAN’S BIGGEST PROBLEM isn’t the things he forgets, but the things he remembers that never happened.

The White House is just like everyplace else. If you want to know what’s really happening, don’t ask the boss, ask the secretary.

North a national hero? Which nation are we talking about?

If North had been in the army, he would have been fragged before he made First Lieutenant.

The Reagan administration was given all the rope it needed.

The Drug Scene

YOU MIGHT SAY the coke wars have been heating up. High Times magazine is advertising a special on chainsaws.

The sale of drug-free urine specimens was predicted in this column back in September of 1985. It’s getting harder to be more bizarre than reality.

Adulterated urine samples, packed in artificial penises, were used by World War II British POWs as a scam to get into the hospital.

Mondo Condo

REMEMBER WHEN they used to be stamped: “For the prevention of disease only”?

The Moral Majority has come out against the distribution of condoms. They will, however, go along with chastity belts.

During the crusades, chastity belts were sold very cheaply. Duplicate keys, however, cost a fortune.

AMERIKA

PITY THE POOR scriptwriter; trying not to antagonize the right, provoke the left, frighten the sponsors, or bore the audience? Would you believe, none of the above?

If you really want to know how an occupied country behaves, see The Sorrow And The Pity.

There was no resistance to the occupation because the Russians invaded during the World Series.

Reminiscences

TO COMMEMORATE the 20th anniversary of the Hot Summer of ’67, Detroit Mayor Coleman Young will stage a reenactment in the Jefferson-Chalmers neighborhood: after the area has been levelled by the National Guard, it will be turned over to Chrysler for their new assembly plant.

One of the more colorful radical groups of the 1960s was the Pagan Pink Ripple Collective of Cambridge, Mass., whose program was “Drink now, throw later.”

The Pat Robertson faction may wind up capturing themselves, just like the Maoists used to do in the ’70s.

Historical Sidelights

SLAVE REVOLTS were much more common on the Caribbean islands than the continent of North or South America.

Dissidents couldn’t walk to freedom, or book passage aboard ship.

The Japanese have halted archeological excavations in Osaka after uncovering evidence that the Imperial dynasty may be of Korean ancestry. (In Japan, Koreans are regarded as racial inferiors.)

March-April 1987, ATC 8