Random Shots: Fur Files in Eco-Wars

R.F. Kampfer

A RESOLUTE BLOW for safe energy was recently struck by a heroic raccoon who climbed a utility pole at Michigan’s controversial Fermi II nuclear reactor. The furry militant, said to have been wearing a tiny green armband, hurled himself into a circuit breaker, shutting down the plant at the cost of his own life.

The shadowy Eco-Terrorist Recycling Center has claimed responsibility for the action, threatening further animal assaults if the reactor is not permanently closed. The underground Center recently gained prominence when fusion-booster Lyndon LaRouche accused the group of trying to assassinate him by means of rabid weasels.

Meanwhile, the attack was denounced by the Animal Liberation Front, which charged the Center with “cynically using quadruped comrades as cannon folder, in keeping with their human-chauvinist ideology.”

It’s in the Stars

WHEN BUSH ACCUSED Reagan of practicing voodoo, he didn’t know the half of it.

The Reagans aren’t the only one to seek supernatural guidance in governing the state. Look how well the Romanovs did following Rasputin’s advice.

New York’s Mayor Koch’s attempts to restrict smoking in the city can only remind us of Peter Stuyvesant’s similar effort back when it was New Amsterdam. On that occasion, the sturdy burghers staged a smoke-in on the mayor’s front lawn until he gave in. The more things change ….

World News Roundup

A recent Guardian quotes a spokesman for the Philippine New People’s Army as saying: “One of our companies now has the capability to completely crush an enemy platoon.” Let’s hope so, since there are about 40 people in a platoon and over 200 in a company.
 

THE People’s Daily World is giving Gorbachev a lot of credit for dealing with problems they said were solved decades ago.

Rusty Motor City

SOME DETROIT crack sellers are attempting to avoid notice by dealing out of rusty junker cars. They spoil the illusion, however, by equipping them with cellular telephones.

Chrysler’s Sterling Heights Assembly Plant was forced to shut down for a week when a die broke in the neighboring stamping plant. Another victory for the just-in-time inventory system.

Looks Like It’s Lying Time Again

HOW COULD YOU tell when former Attorney General Meese was lying? When you saw his lips move.

The Democratic Party leadership is looking for a way to keep Gary Hart inconspicuous during the convention.

They could always stash him under the platform, which covers everything and reveals nothing.

July-August 1988, ATC 15