Random Shots: Dubya’s Many Axes of Evil

R.F. Kampfer

THE CONCEPT OF an Axis of Evil seems to derive from a 1942 Captain Marvel comic-book series about the Monster Society of Evil. Of course, that’s a little before Dubya’s time.

Dubya is displaying all the signs of what the Greeks called Hubris, which, as we know, is always followed by Nemesis.

Somebody (Clausewitz or Lao-Tse) once said that the essence of Grand Strategy is to unite your allies and divide your enemies. Dubya seems determined to do the exact opposite.

Dubya’s dad warned him against sushi, but never mentioned pretzels.

Pop Goes the Culture

FOLLOWING 9/11, THE producers of Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy are considering changing the name of the second installment to “The Two Towers.”

None of the movie versions of “Treasure Island” introduce us to Long John Silver’s wife, described in the book as “a woman of colour.”

Arthur Andersen’s accountants’ motto: Figures don’t lie, but liars figure.

Spray Cologne on a Pig

KAMPFER HOUSEHOLD HINTS: When compelled to clean an area that doesn’t really need it, just spray a little pungent cleanser into the atmosphere. A place that smells clean will usually pass inspection.

Editor’s Note: At the other extreme, the above method can also be tried in a wide variety of cases when the mess is so filthy that it can’t be cleaned up at all, hence you might as well try anything. This would apply, for example, to Enron’s books; the bombing of civilian homes in Afghanistan; the economy of Argentina; and Olympic figure-skating judging.

Speaking of Enron, our ace proofreader Reggie suggests that the company’s executives might be the perfect example for the application of Taliban justice: Cut off their hands for stealing.

Wars Without End

THE NRA MIGHT want to notice that none of the 9/11 perpetrators were carrying a gun.

The U.S. Army adopted the .45 automatic because a Moro juramentado could absorb six rounds from a .38, and keep coming with his bolo knife. Now the Army is back in the Philippines, armed with the 9 mm. Beretta. We shall see.

Thanks to EK for pointing out that Nixon declared War on Cancer in 1971. Anybody remember how that came out?

Bumper Sticker of the Month: You live and learn, then you die and forget everything.