Random Shots: Of Drugs and Diamonds

R.F. Kampfer

MARX CHARACTERIZED RELIGION as the opium of the people. For some cults, it seems to act more like viagra.

Parents are often told, by friends and relatives, what nice polite children they have. No doubt Lizzie Borden’s mother and father got the same kind of compliments.

In the original “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,” we are told that a kiss won’t “help you at the Automat.” Now it won’t “feed the cat.” Sic transit gloria.

It’s been revealed that the mail-box bomber was planting his explosives in a smiley-face pattern. There has to be a better way to say “Have a nice day.”

Ariel Sharon says he is willing to negotiate with the Palestinians over the formation of an independent state — for decades or centuries if necessary.

Must be pretty quiet at the Israeli Tourism Bureau lately.

Buried Treasures

As part of their very long investigation of the Jimmy Hoffa disappearance, the FBI has inspected all the meat-packing plants in the Detroit area. Let’s not speculate about that.

One BBC commentator remarked that the Queen Mum lasted so long because she’d been well pickled in gin.

The play “Copenhagen” leaves open the question of whether German scientist Werner Heisenberg supported or sabotaged the Nazi A-bomb program. It’s highly suitable that Heisenberg should end up with an uncertain reputation.

Nuoc mam (Vietnamese fish sauce) makes very good bait for a raccoon trap (Havahart of course).

Words of Wisdom

In “The Raw and the Cooked,” Jim Harrison sums up his outlook on life’s choices very neatly: “Either do it or don’t. You’re going to regret it both ways.”

“Criminals don’t molest kids. Leave that to the priests.” –The General,” 1999.

Never marry anyone you wouldn’t want to sit next to on a three-day bus trip. –Anonymous

Hey Venezuela, is that your final answer?

The American Dairy Council is planning a Spanish language version of their “Got Milk?” advertisements. Those of us who speak Spanish can see some problems there. (“Leche” has two meanings, and wearing it on the face makes it worse.)

The state of the streets makes it allowable for a Detroiter to drive a SUV without looking pretentious.

ATC 99, July-August 2002