Random Shots: Save That Scrap Metal

Against the Current, No. 111, July/August 2004

R.F. Kampfer

THE DEFENSE OF Marriage Act has been characterized as the first amendment that diminishes human rights rather than expand them. Actually, that dishonor would go to the Prohibition amendment. We saw how well that worked out.

Speaking of which, isn’t it time that Clinton apologized for the Defense of Marriage Act?

If a fetus is a person, as Dubya claims, it should qualify as a dependent for taxes.

Bush wanted to unite the Shiites and the Sunni. Careful what you wish for.

The problems that the United States has been having with the Iraqi police and “private” security guards is further proof that Machiavelli was right: “If mercenaries are capable men, they may try to take power from you, but if they are not capable they will generally ruin you.”

One could almost wish that Boy George would get elected, just so he’d be stuck cleaning up the mess he’s made of the world. Almost, but not quite.

Promises and Pie Crusts

BUSH WAS SHOCKED that Spain’s new prime minister Zapatero would pull Spanish troops out of Iraq, as he repeatedly pledged he would before the election. What if all politicians had to keep their campaign promises?

Condoleezza Rice has the best death ray stare since Marlon Brando in “One Eyed Jacks.” If she were playing Lady MacBeth, the critics would say she was overacting.

It seems hard to imagine that in 1969, Kampfer could board a plane with a samurai sword tucked under his arm, and nobody said a word.
Low carb everything is the most annoying fad since the chlorophyll craze of the 1950s.

It would be fun to be present at your own funeral, and hear what your friends and relatives had to say about you. It would be even more fun to hear their reactions at the reading of the will.

Women workers have told me that they could usually get a day off by claiming problems of the reproductive organs. Most bosses did not want to hear any details about female plumbing. Of course, this tactic doesn’t work with women supervisors.

One of the few thriving industries these days is the sale of scrap metal to China. Similar exports to Japan during the 1930s were very controversial, especially when some of it was returned in the form of shrapnel.

ATC 111, July-August 2004