Random Shots: Iraq and a Hard Place

R.F. Kampfer

DONALD RUMSFELD SAYS the United States will remain in Iraq until a stable democracy takes power. Or until Hell freezes over, whichever comes first.

The British usually used national minorities as junior partners in the administration of their empire, since these depended on British support to maintain their privileged position. Boy George thinks he can oppress all Iraqis equally. Little wise-ass.

The Army has finally uncovered a proven WMD cache, containing 100 vials of anthrax and other bacterial agents. Unfortunately it turned up at Fort Detrick, Maryland, about fifty miles from the Pentagon. Furthermore, nobody can find any documentation on the material, which was one of the excuses for invading Iraq. No surprise — they lost my 201 file.

Decline and Fall

THOSE WHO FEEL nostalgia for the former East Germany can visit the new DDR theme park, featuring bossy police, dull food, and surly waiters. Will there be Trabant rides?

Men eat salad because they are not quite shameless enough to eat blue cheese dressing with a spoon.

If motherhood were as esteemed as we pretend on Mothers Day, it would pay better.

The UAW used to work for the election of pro-worker politicians, or at least lesser-evils. Now they just try to curry favor with whomever they think will win.

Really bad drivers also tend to sport really tacky vanity plates (SEXY1). At least this makes it easier to turn them in.

One of the few expanding segments of the economy is donut shops. You can interpret that any way you like.

Amusing the Muses

ONE MOVIE CRITIC observes that “Gods and Generals” devotes far too much time to officers having long philosophical discussions about the war. He suggested that the film be re-titled “The Virginia Monologues.”

Regarding the recent controversy about a post-9/11 verse by New Jersey poet laureate Amiri Baraka: What is the job description of this position? Does the poet laureate of New Jersey compose an ode to the Devils hockey team, to be read at the Stanley Cup celebration in the arena parking lot?

The following joke on “al-Gebra” is circulating on the internet: At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction. (Thanks to Barbara in NY for this.)

ATC 105, July-August 2003