Random Shots: Red Flags Over Motor City

R.F. Kampfer

THE GOOD NEWS is that there were about a million people waving red flags in the streets of Detroit. The bad news is that it was on account of some hockey game.

Instead of building a new Washington monument to World War II veterans, why don’t they use the money to buy each of the survivors a box of cigars?

And why can’t they make a keyboard with enough space between the keys for a worker’s fingers to fit?

Entertainment Notes

THE “MEN IN Black” were not invented for the movie. Rumors have actually been circulating about the group since the 1950s.

“Wilde” is entertaining, but possibly not that accurate. It portrays Oscar as a passive introvert, with no trace of the sharp-tongued curmudgeon who could never resist a straight-line.

Money Talks Dirty

INEVITABLY, SOME PEOPLE are so lost to common decency as to make s’mores in the microwave. But even worse, the Hershey company is shameless enough to print and distribute a recipe.

If the Chinese government wants Newt Gingrich to forget about the Tiananmen Square massacre, all they have to do is buy some Vidalia onions from Georgia.

Housekeeping and Childrearing

EPIPHANY OF THE Month: It’s totally illogical to clean the house before a party, when the house will be so much messier afterwards.

If you really want to annoy your teeny-bopper, try drawing mustaches on her Hansen posters.

Sometimes the most restful way of spending a vacation is just to tell the friends and relatives you’re leaving town. Then stay home and don’t answer the phone.

An increasing number of older men and women are choosing to have kids these days. One advantage is that you may not live to see the kid turn into a teenager.

ATC 76, September-October 1998