Random Shots: Wisdom of Solomon

R.S. Kampfer

THERE ARE LOTS of jobs available in the prosperous suburbs. There are lots of people looking for jobs in the inner cities. There is no good public transportation system to connect them. That’s capitalism.

On the one hand, Washington is delighted that China and the Soviet Union are turning toward capitalism. On the other hand, U.S. capitalism is terrified by the prospect of more low-wage competition in the world market Orwell identified this phenomenon as “doublethink.”

To maintain the proper perspective, everyone should periodically reread something they wrote ten years ago. We were a lot dumber then, but we had a lot more energy.

World of the Wars

RECENT CRASHES have brought out the fact that the Air Forces’ BI bomber has no wing deicers. This oversight may lead to a return to the seventeenth century practice of canceling wars on account of bad weather.

The new B2 Stealth bomber bears a striking resemblance to the 1945 Flying Wing. This design proved to be a total flop, and only three were built. It was last seen in the 1953 movie, “War of the Worlds.”

The futility of terrorism is shown when it is not obvious who carried out an operation, or for what purpose.

On the one hand, Washington wants Japan to increase the size of its military forces to take some of the burden off the U.S. On the other hand, they are afraid that if Japan re-arms, they might start behaving like we do.

The Soviet Union and Japan were only at war for four days in 1945, but they still haven’t signed a peace treaty.

Giants of Philosophy

WORDS OF WISDOM: “You can get a lot more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.”

Can anybody think of a teen-age romance movie that isn’t a variation of “Romeo and Juliet”?

The DSA says that Bernie Sanders should have run as a Democrat so he could get more votes. Yes, and In These Times should advertise massage parlors so they can sell more newspapers.

In Israel, the new minister of Religious Affairs has reached a Salamonic compromise to deal with the teaching of evolution in religious schools. Rabbi Peretz, leader of the Shass party, has decided that goyim are descended from the apes, but Jews are a divine creation. Peretz is considered a moderate.

If socks were only made in one color, the time saved in sorting out a matching pair would increase the gross national product by 5.23%.

George Bush had more important things to do than attend Hirohito’s funeral, but he wasn’t sure that Dan Quayle could handle the job.

Parental Reflections

CHILDREN ARE LIKE jalapeno peppers. Tolerable, even enjoyable in small doses; but not something you want to see early in the morning.

We never appreciated the things our parents did for us because we thought that they enjoyed them as much as we did. We took it for granted that Dad would rather be standing on a crowded frigid sidewalk watching the Thanks giving parade than sitting home watching football on TV. We assumed that Mom was delighted to have a dead pine tree shedding needles in the living room or a herd of toddlers rubbing birthday-cake icing into the upholstery. When we grow up we learn that there are better ways to spend our time; but we have to do the same thing for our kids to repay the debt we owe our parents. Good children (if such creatures exist) will probably grow up to be bad parents, because they won’t have the motivation provided by guilt.

Kampfer’s position is that people are the product of evolution, but lox is a gift from heaven.

March-April 1989, ATC 19