Random Shots: Tender Loving Care

R.F. Kampfer

A KINKY PERSONAL ad?

“To my Master
I HAVE TO TELL YOU
I am nude!!
I have no protective coating on my tender skin am afraid of rain and dirt, as my nude nature causes me to spot
BUT
I will promise to give you much comfort and pleasure, if you take good care of me and treat me preciously and delicately.
NAKED

No, it’s the care label on a Hong Kong leather jacket.

Food For Thought

THE SCHOOL LUNCH program was started because so many men who grew up undernourished were being rejected for military service.

In a 1931 essay, author Will Cuppy tells us that one can start a chicken farm with an expenditure of $0.50 for the hen, $0.27 for eggs, and $5.00 for cocaine. He fails to specify whether the coke is for the chickens or the farmer.

This might be a good time for Bill Cosby to do a repeat of his classic “hoof and mouth” routine. Then, again, maybe not.

It is thought that hoof and mouth disease may be spread by the practice of the airlines selling leftover food as pig-swill. Feeding in-flight meals to innocent swine is bad enough as it is.

It’s inevitable, at any Japanese restaurant you go to, that the sushi tray at the next table will look better than yours. The solution? Stall the waitress until their order arrives, then ask for the same. Of course, if they are doing the same thing, it could be a long night.

Life Imitates Art

WHY WOULD AN ordinary sword-and-sandals epic like “Gladiator” win the Oscar for best picture? Maybe the character of Commodus has a special impact on the public right now. An undistinguished little wart who is neurotically driven to seize power by his father’s contempt. Sound familiar? Does Dubya have a sister?

One of the rewards granted to Roman legions who distinguished themselves in battle was the privilege of singing obscene songs about their commanding general.

The first time the Zapatistas entered Mexico City, in 1914, the peasant soldiers were somewhat intimidated by the Big City. With hat in hand and rifles slung, they humbly knocked at the back doors of fine homes to ask for food.

Political Backfires

AFTER DECADES OF denying Yasir Arafat’s authority as the legitimate representative of the Palestinians, the Israeli government now complains that he can’t control them.

The ruling class gets very nervous every time Cheney has a heart attack, and they are reminded that Dubya is just a heartbeat away from the presidency. Can you imagine how they’d react if Greenspan caught a cold?

ATC 92, May-June 2001